Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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