I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Don't EVER smell your tampon
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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