I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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