Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
