Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize