I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
