My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
