u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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