Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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