i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
