You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just googled if crying burns calories
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
