dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Randomize
