So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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