Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
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It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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