found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize