I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
