I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
