Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
