Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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