wanna go halves on a baby?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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