Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Please don't give away my fajitas
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
