thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
