i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
