my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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