Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
