we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
