I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
