Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
