i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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