The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
