saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
