He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
