I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
