I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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