I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
