Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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