So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
