i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
