Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
