Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
There r osticjed everywhere
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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