my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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