its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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