John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Did I show you my penis last night?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
