Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
