She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
