i was rollin on her like bob the builder
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
