if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
