3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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