i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
