Your face is a jimmy john
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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