it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
