Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
