be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
