Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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