They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
