So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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