i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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