Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
