69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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