no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
