life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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