You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
