I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
