I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Someone signed my nipple.
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