Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
