She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
