Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
